SPECIAL TIME CAN HELP SIBLINGS ADJUST TO A NEW BABY
Balance - It's a concept I'm constantly learning to navigate, especially as life gets busier with children. The more experience I have as a parent, the more I realize how important it is to find time not only for work and responsibilities but also for family, myself, and my personal interests.
When I talk about balance, I'm talking about something deeper than just managing schedules. It's about carving out moments that nurture our relationships and our own well-being. One practice that has profoundly impacted my approach to this balance is something called "special time." It's a simple idea that makes a world of difference.
What is Special Time?
Special time is about setting aside a dedicated period each day—whether it's 5, 10, or 15 minutes—where you give someone your undivided attention. No distractions, no multitasking, no screens—just focused, quality time. For children, it's especially meaningful because they get to decide what they will do during special time. Whether it's playing a game, reading together, or simply talking about their day, it's their time to feel valued and heard amidst the daily hustle.
I'll admit, I haven't always been as consistent with special time as I should be. But It can be especially useful at particular times - for instance, when a new baby arrives, when the focus (for whatever reason) is on one sibling rather than the other, when a child's behavior seems to be more problematic than usual. The behavior difficulties during these times are typically ways to try to get a parent's attention. Special time helps children know that they do matter to their parents and can count on being the center of their attention every day at some point.
Putting it Into Practice
Implementing special time doesn't have to be perfect or rigid. It's about finding what works for your family's rhythm and committing to it with sincerity. Maybe it's every day after school or a few times a week after dinner. The key is making it a consistent part of your routine where everyone knows they have that special time to look forward to.
I recommend special time to the parents of a second (or third, or fourth...) baby. That baby will inevitably take up most of a parent's (particularly mom's) attention in the early days, and that can be very tough for a sibling who is used to being the center of mom's attention. Oftentimes, dad or grandparents get assigned the duty of caring for the older sibling, and while this is necessary to some extent, the need for time with mom cannot be ignored. Planning special time for mom and the older sibling can be instrumental in maintaining their connection and helping the older sibling to feel secure in their relationship with that parent.
Other Uses for Special Time
We also implement special time when we start to notice more tantrums, more sibling spats, or more sullenness in one of our children now that they're older. Usually, when we think about it, we realize that that child was getting neglected amidst the other craziness of our family's everyday life.
And while it's not the focus of this post, we also sometimes realize that we need special time for each other, when our lives have been overtaken by the needs of our children. We realize that sometimes we have to schedule our time together (alone!) or it won't happen.
Let's Do It!
I challenge you to start incorporating this practice into your own life today. It's about creating those meaningful connections that enrich our lives. The impact goes beyond just the moment; it strengthens bonds and fosters a sense of security and love within the family unit.
So, let's make a commitment together to prioritize special time. Start today, and observe how it transforms your family and brings a sense of calm to your home (or at the very least, more calm). It's a small gesture with tremendous rewards—for our families, our relationships, and our own well-being.