Breastfeeding Around Friends and Family
Summer is quickly approaching. When I think of summer, I think of lazier days, walks to the ice cream shop, family trips, summer camp and swimming at the pool, and of course, visiting with family and friends. When your feeding plan includes breastfeeding, travel isn't always easy, and while public breastfeeding brings its own challenges, nursing around friends and family can trigger conflict over the topic and activity of breastfeeding making for a tricky experience for a breastfeeding mom.
A Tale of Two Sisters
I recently had a patient who took a trip to visit her sister. Both of them have new babies, but while my patient has been struggling with nursing, experiencing a lot of pain and trouble with milk production, and feeling uncomfortable nursing in front of others, her sister has been having a smooth, enjoyable experience and is comfortable breastfeeding in public without even needing a nursing cover. Breastfeeding in public is something my patient has imagined as part of her breastfeeding journey but hasn't been able to master it yet. The situation made my patient anxious about joining her family on this trip because she knew it would be a difficult experience, triggering her own insecurities and inner conflict as she navigated her journey.
Navigating the Judgement
In our conversation, we discussed how everyone's experiences as a breastfeeding mother are different. While it's unfortunate that she may feel judged, she can't change how other people react. However, she can control her own reactions. It's important for her to remember that she's doing her best, and that is perfectly fine. If she needs privacy, that's okay too, and it's OK for her to advocate for her needs and what will help her feel comfortable.
We also talked about the possibility of having an open conversation with her sister to explain how she feels. She could say, "I'm having a tough time with breastfeeding in public or even around other people I know, and it's hard for me seeing you have such an easy, wonderful time. I'm happy for you, but I might not want to be there for that because it's a tough time for me." Her sister might surprise her and be very understanding and supportive of her personal experience and may even share some of her own challenges that haven't been visible to you.
Embracing Your Own Experience
It's important to remember that it's okay to feel sad, envious, or to experience other emotions that might seem negative. These feelings are normal and natural, regardless of your breastfeeding goals. The key is not to let them become overwhelming to the point where they affect your ability to enjoy life, your baby, or motherhood. If this happens, seeking help from a perinatal mental health specialist might be beneficial.
Generally, I recommend allowing yourself to feel these emotions for a few minutes and then remember that your breastfeeding experience is your own - embrace it. You know what's best for you and your baby, you have your own vision and feeding goals, and you can continue to work towards making it the most successful breastfeeding experience possible for you, your baby, and your family.
Reaching Out for Support
If you had a tough time navigating breastfeeding around friends or family, or your anticipating a difficult experience, I see you. But you are doing it, even if it's messy sometimes - providing breast milk for your baby on your terms. But if you find that your anxiety about this issue is getting in the way of enjoying your baby, your family, or life in general, then please consider reaching out to a health professional for help.
This could be a Board Certified Lactation Consultant, your primary care provider or child birth provider, or a physician specifically trained in Breastfeeding and Lactation Medicine. There are also mental health specialists who focus on perinatal mental health and can be enormously helpful in so many aspects of lactation care. And remember, you're not alone, and many other new moms are going through similar experiences. If you're in Chicago, there is no shortage of breastfeeding support groups and resources.
Related Reading:
Kellymom. (2018) Breastfeeding in public. Available at: https://kellymom.com/bf/concerns/legal/bfip/ (Accessed 26th August 2019)
"Places Moms Have Been Shamed For Breastfeeding". Huffington Post. September 18, 2012.Archivedfrom the original on 29 September 2015. Retrieved 28 September 2015.