As a breastfeeding specialist and a physician focusing on the 4th trimester, I frequently interact with mothers who are navigating the complex journey of parenthood. One common theme that emerges in my conversations with them is the overwhelming sense of 'mom guilt.' Today, I want to address this issue, not only as a professional but as a mother who experiences mom guilt - and all the feelings that go along with it - firsthand.

Self-Judgment - Our Harshest Critic

Motherhood places an enormous responsibility on your shoulders. You're tasked with nurturing, caring for, and shaping a tiny human being into a well-rounded adult. This journey is fraught with decisions, and often, I am asked by my patients about the "right" way to handle certain situations. It's important to understand that parenting isn't about right or wrong methods; it's more about finding what works best for you and your family. Each family is unique, and so are the solutions to the challenges they face. Let's remember to be gentle with ourselves and understand that self-judgment is often our harshest critic.

Failures are Stepping Stones to Success

Learning from our experiences, especially our mistakes, is an integral part of parenting. For instance, if I react in a way that I later regret, such as losing my temper with my child, I find it important to apologize and explain to my child. This approach, known in psychology as a "repair," helps navigate through the situation in a productive manner, mending any strains in the relationship. It's also a valuable lesson for our children, showing them that it's human to err and essential to handle mistakes gracefully.

The so-called mistakes or failures we experience as parents are not setbacks; they're stepping stones. They're opportunities for growth, to become wiser and stronger, qualities we then impart to our children. It's a continuous learning process, where we evolve and adapt with each new experience.

Trust Your Instincts

As parents, we're doing the best we can with the knowledge and resources we have at any given moment. It's important to recognize that our circumstances and information might differ from others, and what we know today might evolve in the future. I encourage parents to seek advice from health care providers, family, and friends, but also to trust their instincts. Parenting is rarely black and white, and often, it's about finding a balance that feels right for you and your family.

Mom Guilt in the Postpartum Period

Early parenthood places a unique burden on us as parents and "mom guilt" can frequently rear its ugly head.  Not only are we experiencing something completely new, but we are doing it exhausted and with hormones that affect our mental health surging through our bloodstream.  Pressure from within to reach our breastfeeding goals can lead to feelings of inadequacy if we have breastfeeding challenges.  Postpartum mood disorders are common, and feelings of guilt, mood swings, and recurrent negative feelings can all be symptoms of postpartum depression or anxiety. 

It's important to recognize perinatal mood disorders when they arise and reach out to a mental health professional for extra support if needed.  The Postpartum Support International is a great resource if breastfeeding is a specific challenge you are facing, reach out to an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant or Breastfeeding and Lactation Medicine Physician.  

Give Yourself Grace

In conclusion, let's try to be kinder to ourselves. Parenthood is a journey of growth, learning, and love. If my words can provide comfort or guidance to even one parent today, then sharing these thoughts has been worthwhile. And, as I often need to remind myself, let's not be too hard on ourselves. We're all doing our best, and that's more than enough.

I hope you find this helpful and wish you a wonderful journey in parenthood.